SHOULD WE BE DATING OR CREATING FRIENDSHIPS?

Question of the day?

Is it possible that dating is not part of the plan? We as people have distorted the real plan and that is to cultivate frienships before the courting season. I am of the opinion that if we focus only on friendships, then we would eliminate a lot of the confusion that is going on in the dating world. When you are just friends and the focus is getting to know each other then you have a real opportunity to vet one another. Here are some of the major issues when we “DATE” as I see it.

1. Typically when people go on dates, most of the time intimacy takes place beforehand, distorting the vetting process.

2. You attempt to impress the individual as oppose to getting to know the individual.

3. Expectations are placed on the other that are typically outlined in a marriage relationship (i.e. Who’s paying for the dates(s)? Will you begin to pay the other persons bills? Time constraints, etc…)

4. Should the dating process not work, you are left with an emotional tear that often times are difficult to get over. Sometimes, the residue of the last failed relationship is brought into the next adventure.

Faison’s prescription…

* Take time to get to know yourself and find out who you are first.
* Take walks or do things that don’t require money.
* Don’t put expectations on one another and take the time to get to know the person.

“Free yourself from yourself and you will find your true self”
L.D. Faison

Family, do you agree or disagree?

You Choose

The YOU factor: YOU can run but YOU can’t hide. Where ever YOU go there YOU are. YOU are created in his image and likeness. Why are YOU running? YOU choose. YOU have the power to rule. Will YOU live or die it is up to YOU. YOU choose. Will YOU choose happy hour over happiness ? YOU choose. There is nothing on the outside that will bring YOU joy.

YOU choose. Everything YOU need is already within. YOU choose. He or she is not equipped to make YOU happy. YOU choose. no one completes YOU, YOU choose. YOU are already complete. YOU choose. Depression is a choice. YOU choose. Success Is a choice. YOU choose. Will you co create with the divine? YOU choose. The Peace that surpasses all understanding is your heaven . YOU choose. Do YOU believe it or do YOU know it? YOU choose. Today, YOU have been chosen to choose.

The Void in Relationships

Have you ever asked yourself how you got involved in certain relationships? Well, I have an answer for you. It is my strong belief that we operate from a place of lack, meaning that we are looking for a void to be filled. When one enters into a relationship as if they are in need of something, then he or she becomes vulnerable. Imagine for a moment that you are hungry and haven’t eaten for a couple of days. It is at that time that most of us fall and begin to settle for any type of food, in order satisfy the hunger.

The same is true in our relationships. The void, or the pain, of being alone overrides the logic and common sense that most of us have. The things that we said that we wouldn’t settle for, we now give a pass to. You said that you wanted someone who is a good communicator, however, you accepted someone who doesn’t communicate at all. You said you wanted someone who is family-oriented, but you accepted someone who doesn’t care about family values. You said you wanted someone who is gentle, yet you settled for a person who is rough and abusive. You said you wanted someone to love you, then, you accepted someone who has never been loved and is not equipped to love. The question we must ask is, “Am I willing to be honest with myself when it comes to my personal relationships?” I believe that the things that we are asking for from others are the very things that we must be.

So let me offer this solution: Spend time building a strong relationship with yourself. If you can’t make yourself happy, then you can rest assured that no one else can fill that void. So, what is the one thing that will fill your emptiness? Love of one’s self, my friend. Love.

My motto is this: Free yourself from yourself and you will find your true self . Don’t pretend to have it all together, work on having it all together.

L. D. Faison | Personal Development Coach

Personal Responsibility

I often hear the expression from folks who say,” I am just doing me”. However, I am wondering if that is just an excuse not to work on one’s personal development. It reminds me of myself quite a few years ago. I was very manipulative and deceptive in my relationship practices. My tendency was to use women, and con others into thinking that I was a nice guy and that everything about me was intact. When challenged about some of my misdeeds, I would get defensive and respond with, “I am just doing me”. That was an excuse and a crutch I used instead of working on myself.

In the interim, I learned that I was pretending, and that I was unhappy with the person I claimed to be. At some point, the status quo of “I am just doing me” turned into personal development. I suppose that I was afraid of the pain and embarrassment that opening up to someone might cause. But I realize that the pain of saying “no” to counseling was even greater than the pain of saying “yes”.

Here is something else that I’ve learned. The majority of us who say that we are “just doing us” are not doing us at all. We’re doing our representative, or who we think we are, or maybe who we want to be. So, let me offer a solution in four parts:

1. Be honest with yourself. (This is the most important step.)
2. Write down your feelings. (Very therapeutic.)
3. Seek wise counsel. (Talk to someone you trust.)
4. Implement the principles you have learned. (Walk in your success!)

Remember, free yourself from yourself, and you become your true self.